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if life is just a game, i'm on the losing team, and i just wanna quit... [entries|friends|calendar]

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i like these things [04 Sep 2005|12:15pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band

Created by naw5689 and taken 34263 times on Bzoink

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:world/inferno friendship society
Are you male or female:go with it girl
Describe yourself:friend to the friendless
How do some people feel about you:heart attack '64
How do you feel about yourself:one for the witches
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:millicent didnt want to wait for it to get better
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:nothing you begin
Describe where you want to be:my ancestral homeland new jersey
Describe what you want to be:our candidate
Describe how you live:lets steal everything
Describe how you love:just the best party
Share a few words of wisdomall the world is a stage (dive)

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink

did alana's mom 1 time till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

its near the end of the summer so here it is bitches! [03 Sep 2005|04:22pm]
[ mood | bored ]


had a party: naw, im too lame
gone to a party: so many
smoked: nien
drank: nope
spent the night with someone: yea, alot of people at camp if that counts and a couple sleep overs, though there never was much sleeping involved
laughed until your stomach hurt: too many times to count
gone on vacation: i dont consider camp vacation, so no
tanned: my skin is impermeable to sun, motherfucker! im pale as pale can be!
went camping: no, i went to camp
swam: yes, im lake michigan and stewart lake
went to the movies: yep
gone shopping: uh... i dont believe so
had a job: not a paying job, well, i did babysit a few times...
got sun burnt: see "tanned"
made a bon fire: no
been outside during a lightning storm: heh heh heh, i amost said no and then i was like, oh yea...... :-D
been to another state: mee-shee-gun
been to another country: nopers
changed someting about your appearance: dyed my hair, then the dye came out
been to the hospital with an injury: an infection yes, an injury not so much...
commited a crime/broken the law: i have jaywalked many times.
gone on a road trip: a couple three hour ones, nothin major
kissed someone: yes
been to a concert: world/inferno and plan-it-x fest
been in trouble with the parents: oh man....
had a memorable moment: i cant even begin to count...
had a horrible moment: mmhmm
made new friends: yeeeessss
missed a friend: yes :-(
thought about school: school? what is this "school" you speak of? i know not of this "school"

did alana's mom 1 time till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

we must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past... [02 Sep 2005|09:56am]
[ mood | meh ]

things that are bugging me to no end:

- my dvd player is slowly dying, and makes every movie skip, no matter how unscratched it is
- when it does work there is a severe glare from the windows and i cant see anything
- my radio refuses to play burned cds for whatever reasons and thats about 75% of my cds
- thus, i have to listen to them on my cd player which is also slowly dying, and thus makes all the cds skip bah.
- theres no food in my house, except some vegan mac and cheese i made the other day, but eating that for 3 days straight get boring...
- i have to sleep on the either freezing or hot as hell back porch because thats where my parents decided to put my matress
- i keep reading books and watching movies where people die, and not bad guys dying, like, best friends and family members
- i had a really fucking good dream last night that i was being kissed, and it was really sweet and nice, and i even told myself in the dream "this is too good, its too real, it cant be a dream" and then it shifted to a different dream and then i woke up and was like "fuck"
- i still slightly have that feeling that someone slugged me in the stomach and knocked the wind out
- im kind of lonely and bored

things that are quite good:

+ its september, which means its almost fall, my favorite season
+ theres talk of moving to this apartment on the next block or so, which has more bedrooms, and a bigger backyard
+ im considering overcoming my fear of exorcisms and going to marlas house and renting the exorcist and watching it
+ i have a plethora of good movies to watch, that thing you do!, ginger snaps II, hedwig, and so on
+ im getting better at making mix cds that dont suck, and have access to my friends music downloading thing, so free music + blank cds= fun!
+ im getting better at playing gee-tar, which helps boredom
+ im sleeping better :)
+ i might go to the movies today, to see what, i dont know yet
+ i just got a check in the mail from my grandma (yay for sending birthday cards way too late!) so now i can pay for the piercing ive wanted forever
+ silkscreening relieves my stress!
+ i have amazing friends and i love them all

so yea... im not ecstatic, but i dont really want to hurl myself over a railing and snap my spine into splinters anymore, so i guess its a step up.

did alana's mom 2 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

yea... [28 Aug 2005|10:06pm]
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

p.s. ill give you a million dollars if you come to my house and stab or shoot me in the face.
did alana's mom 6 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

yea... im really bored. [28 Aug 2005|02:16pm]
[ mood | bored ]

so i found this"Collapse ) on myspace, and im kinda sad so i messed with it and fixed it up n shit.

did alana's mom 3 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[26 Aug 2005|10:23pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

The Random Question Meme!Collapse )

yea... and um... my school is closed. so i guess im a dropout...

did alana's mom 3 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[25 Aug 2005|09:56pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

so days not sucking is good.

yesterday i met up with alyse at UIC (so many college kids... ehhhhh) and then with chris and we went and got italian ice, which, when we got there, i realized i had been to that place as a small child.

me and alyse took the el up to her house and we hung out with J and emelda. we made food and listened to the new album by against me! which was... ok. i enjoyed the song about condoleza rice (::sings:: condoleza, condoleza, condolezaaaaaaa!) after we ate dinner we ate carrot cake and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (minus the cookie dough) and watched kids in the hall. then we watched this weird show veronica mars... i think i might have to watch it again (damn you emelda!) and then i walked to the bus stop to go home, with some parsley that emelda gave me from their garden. on the way there was a skinny cat in the grass, which i petted for awhile and then got on the bus homeward.

today i woke up early and my made myself tofu scramble, rice and beans and watched saved!with my mom. i played gee-tar alot, and did some touch ups on the shirt i made. i silkscreened it but i couldnt screen the text so i have to paint it on... its a pain in the ass, but im hoping ill be finished by tomorrow and it will look good.

tomorrow were having a meeting about the dealie-o with my school. ::sigh:: prepare for intense fun :(

im gonna go watch sin city and fall asleep.

p.s. barbacue sunflower seeds are one of the greatest inventions known to mankind.

did alana's mom 1 time till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[21 Aug 2005|10:35am]
[ mood | lazy ]

im doing a little better.

yesterday i rode my bike to blockbuster and bought sin city. i was going to wait until the collectors edition came out, but i had 25 bucks and nothing else to spend it on. ill buy the extended special version when it comes out anyway. (edit: i just found out a couple days ago theyre making sin city II and III, amazing) i watched it with my parents, which was slightly akward, because my mom is really sqeamish and doesnt like blood and such, and watching any movie with any kind of sexual anything with my parents kind of makes me slightly uncomfortable. i also had a couple extra dollars at blockbuster, so i bought a pre-viewed copy of saved! which is also enjoyable.

i just realized (well, not really, its sort of just starting to sink in) that if i were in regular high school, i would be a junior, so theres a little voice in the corner of my mind telling me i should start at least looking at colleges... what the fuck's with that, i ask you?

p.s. do it bitchesCollapse )

did alana's mom 33 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

yes, yes i have succumbed to peer pressure... [19 Aug 2005|04:54pm]
[ mood | blah ]

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
my answersCollapse )

did alana's mom 10 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

all them cool kids are doin it... [14 Aug 2005|07:26pm]
[ mood | bored ]

1. Go to my user info page.
2. Pick one person on my friends list you're curious about.
3. Comment with their username.
4. I will tell you about them! Mostly good things, but maybe some juicy gossip. Okay, not too juicy.
5. Post this in your journal.

do it, you know you wanna.

did alana's mom 17 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

and this is how it goes... [13 Aug 2005|06:38pm]
[ mood | in limbo ]

between the loss of sleep last night from excessive watching of puff the magic dragon and monty python, the pulsing desire of not wanting to cry, but at the same time, wanting to more than anything, ten billion memories flashing before my eyes as if i was about to die, and the low moan of my parents bust-ass car on the freeway, i was lulled to sleep and missed the trip home to dreams i cant really remember.

lets lie in the grass, you and me, and reminisce about CPCCollapse )

did alana's mom 10 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[11 Aug 2005|12:04pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i have no clue what to write but i feel obligated to post because there are a bunch of random laptops laying around. im sitting on the side porch which for you non CpCers is a room full of couches. at least half of the couches have two people snuggling on them. i feel lonely, cause all i have is this laptop. mindy just said i look mad at the world type of angry. its probably true. i wish i had someone to hold me. not necessarily out of like... dating (that would be nice though) but like... security. i wish someone would just grab me and hold me and let me cry on their shoulder and let me feel their warmth. im tempted to delete this paragraph, it sounds so pathetic.

there have been moments of happiness.

-dancing in the rain
- "what the bleep, i can't bleeping believe she bleeping bleeped!"
- cloudwatching
-staying up till 5 every fucking day
- and thisCollapse )

in somewhat painful annoying news, i had to go to the bitch ass motherfucking hospital because i had an ingrown toe nail they had to cut out. they numbed it with an local anasthetic shot, which hurts like a bitch, but the first time they numbed it, they fucked it up and had to do it again, so more pain, and then it still didnt numb all the way, so the lady starting cutting and said "when it gets too much to handle, tell me" and she cut it out, but it was at no point absolutley unbearable. i hate that fucking hospital. goddamnit.

i miss (in no particular order and if i forget you im terribly sorry, im sleepy and out of it and i still love you dearly):

katy the conqueror, kennedy, max, J, liberte, jennie, ted, chris, J, charlie, robert, alison, alyse, marla, ashley, emelda, alana, natasha, kitchen katy, pya, alline, ellie, maggie, my mom and so many more people... im just totally blanking... its my fault... i know i can be a shitty friend sometimes. i miss and love you all. ill be home in about 3 days. lets hang out. seriously.

did alana's mom 12 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[22 Jul 2005|11:49am]
[ mood | blah ]

and so my dear friends, tomorrow i depart for summer camp. ill be gone for three weeks, so until the 15th. everyone is welcomed (and quite encouraged) to send me emails or letters. and if your really awesome you could send me a package, but you totally dont have to do that, its kind of a small hassle to send packages, i know. i cant send emails because i dont have computer access but i am totally willing and excited to send letters and lots of em. if you would like a letter or many letters, either email your address (stockbrokerskilledyourheros@gmail.com), or leave it in the comment thing.

to send letters:

zelda fredette
c/o Circle Pines Center
8650 Mullen Road
Delton MI, 49046

to send emails:

send an email to circle@net-link.net
and make the subject of the email "zelda fredette" otherwise i wont get it, because people send emails to that address all day to all the other kids.

ill miss you guys so much. i love you all.

did alana's mom 3 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[18 Jul 2005|07:34pm]
wow... uhm i just realized im going to camp in 5, which is pretty much 4 days now and i dont get back until the 15th. if you live in chicago (or anwhere near it) we should do something. especially if your moving out of state ::cough::katyandcharlie::cough::. seriously though, lets hang out cause im gonna miss you kids. call (708.222.6635) email (stockbrokerskilledyourheros@gmail.com) or just leave a comment.
did alana's mom 2 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[12 Jul 2005|04:05pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

in the past two days my wonderful daddy has done the following things:

stole my pillow and wouldnt give it back (wtf???)
told me to "get a job"
told me i dont live in my house because i all i do is sit and talk on the phone all day
threw a pillow at me (i realized that pillows are kinda hard when theyre moving fast)
threatened to punch me in the face

i love my family.

in somewhat better news i had a conversation (dare i say on the phone??) with someone im usually terrified of calling, but decided to anyway. and it made me feel alot better, i didnt want to punch the walls or cut myself or jump out of a window for awhile, and it felt good. i think i smiled a couple times, which is good, cause my smiling has been in short supply for sometime. so thanks. maybe all of this will get better... maybe things will be okay.

did alana's mom 3 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[11 Jul 2005|06:09pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i just counted. about a third of my livejournal entries are about me being depressed and sad and feeling like shit.

if you can give me a reason to be happy, cause i honestly cant think of anything myself, or at least a reason not to be miserable, i will love you until the day i die.

did alana's mom 5 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[05 Jul 2005|06:24pm]
i want to die.

someone please help me.
did alana's mom 5 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

i hate hummer limos, cops, and depression [01 Jul 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | i think you can guess ]

so many shac demos. so much hoarsness in the throat. some guy threatened J with a bat and shoved a piece of paper at his chest (fucking asshole should be charged with assault or something), and the cops claimed they "didnt see anything" and told the guy to go back inside. fuckasses. then they started bugging us for not having a permit. we never have permits, we just let people know we're showing up and do our thing and leave. its all scheduled and shit, so people know whats going on. goddamnit.

ive seen 4 hummer limos in the past 2 days. its fucking disgusting. everytime i see one i kinda just want to yell "gas whore!" why the fuck would you make a hummer into a limo? and why the fuck, depsite the fact that the horrible things exsist, would someone rent or ride in one? god. if i see one again, i swear im going to pelt it with rotten fruit.

depression needs to fucking be wiped from the face of the planet. it seems that alot of the people i love and really care about are depressed or feeling hurt and or miserable a large percent of the time. or latley. or both. this makes me depressed. its not the peoples fault, they cant help how they feel. im like a weird sponge, i soak up peoples depression and hold it in myself. i feel like johnny the homicidal maniac. in case your not a graphic novel nerd like myself, johnny was chosen by the devil to soak up all the hatred and depression in humanity, and channel it out by killing people. but i dont kill people. but its not that bad, cause its not all of humanity, its just people close to me. i hate it that they feel like this and i really want to help. but i often cant, cause theres nothing i can really do but give hugs and offer support. i want everyone to be happy. both the world and humanity suck. they both make people feel crappy. it probably doesnt help me that i had a teensy meltdown yesterday at the queer trans caucus meeting yesterday, cause my dad was being a dick as usual. alyse helped me calm down and feel better. he usually doesnt make me cry, just once in a while, like yesterday. asshole.

i dont know why i rant about my emotions on livejournal anymore. it doesnt really make me feel better. and i often dont say anymore than i would in person, which isnt saying much. it seems that my self esteem has deteriorated so much over the past couple years. i used to be able to tell people how i feel. now i have trouble telling people im really close to, people who i know wont judge or berate me for my feelings. i dont say as much as i would like to, either online or in person, im always afraid ill say the wrong thing. or someone will read my journal and get upset, or ill say something that will embarrass me or someone else. i censor everything so much, i dont know if anyone knows who i am anymore, cause im not... myself usually, im quiet and scared of talking to people, revealing how i feel. i used to be the opposite. i want to be able to say everything i want to say, and hopefuly when i do it, ill do it in person with people i like talking to, and soon.

mostly i just want all my friends to know that i love them, and would do anything i could for them, and if they ever need anything i can provide, to just ask. so, i love you all. really i do.

"dear diary, ive been to heaven and hell, and i still dont know if theyres a god or a devil."

did alana's mom 6 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

[25 Jun 2005|06:57pm]
[ mood | blank ]

im back from orientation at CPC.

i now know cpr, first aid, and most of lifeguarding. if you need someone to save your life, just ask i guess.

im kind of depressed. not terribly though. maybe its about leaving CPC, even though i know im going back in a month. i need to busy myself before then. people should hang out with me, cause im cool, and i dont want to spend all summer with my fucking parents, or in my room watching stupid tv like maury and soaps.

im going to the pride feeder march thing tomorrow, maybe that will make me feel better about things.

i feel so blank. its dumb and wierd and i want it to stop.

did alana's mom 2 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

because this made me laugh a little... [06 Jun 2005|11:11pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

"*gasp* a car impound lot, the impenetrable force of suburbia!"

can anyone guess the reference?

i also realized today that a couple of the sith lords' names would make more sense if you added "in" to the beginning of their names:

Darth (in)Sidious
Darth (in)Vader

did alana's mom 8 times till i touched the sky|spread your legs and learn how to fly

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